tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post2834525061190863934..comments2024-03-22T03:09:35.026-07:00Comments on Greatly Blessed: Scaling Backgrtlyblesdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comBlogger90125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-9546886916190116522014-07-13T21:42:23.942-07:002014-07-13T21:42:23.942-07:00Oh Carolyn, thank you for your kind words! They m...Oh Carolyn, thank you for your kind words! They mean so much to me! :) Best wishes with raising your niece and nephew. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-35900884100052220432014-07-13T20:25:57.098-07:002014-07-13T20:25:57.098-07:00Shecki, I have "known" you since SM'...Shecki, I have "known" you since SM's. I posted as anonymous because I too as an above poster am not sure how to do otherwise and do not have a blog. I frequent your blog and play catch up as often as I can and always read back to where I left off. While I have not adopted, I love reading your posts. The simple things that you do with your children are so inspiring to me! As a survivor of domestic violence, goodness that was way back! At times I would become overwhelmed with just my two children, not knowing what to do, through SM's and when you created this blog it was wonderful since I sold my machines to be free and you created this blog I have found many things to do with my children that I would not have thought about on my own considering the point in my life. I am telling you this because beyond adoption you have helped people. You have helped me get up, do something when I was at such a low point. Just getting by, going to school, working, and had no energy for thinking of activities. To me, I feel like this blog has helped you. It has put you in a spot where you try new products, introduce me to new products, that are wonderful for Luke! Now that I have stabilized my life, my niece and nephew have come into my life as I took custody of them. Speech and language delayed, I love learning new things on your blog! I pray you will stay on and see that you have helped people in all sorts of situations in life. Your energy, passion, and honesty are to be praised and a blessing! Thank you so much for being you! Love, CarolynAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-73436840889676545272014-07-08T10:33:34.625-07:002014-07-08T10:33:34.625-07:00Thank you, Shirene. I so appreciate your prayers....Thank you, Shirene. I so appreciate your prayers. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-10012791051932395702014-07-07T17:35:38.299-07:002014-07-07T17:35:38.299-07:00That any one would say such things is absolutely h...That any one would say such things is absolutely horrid!!! You are a devoted mother, and you have taken in a very difficult situation. Lean on God and trust in your ability. Forget the negatives from other people, you are doing exactly what you should be doing! I am praying for you, your family and little Luke!Shirenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03895450202178234340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-41049522726166241242014-07-03T09:01:34.751-07:002014-07-03T09:01:34.751-07:00Re: "...the kids designated to specific agenc...Re: "...the kids designated to specific agency through orphanage partnerships..."<br /><br />This shows right there that adoption is a for-profit business-- and agencies are jealously protecting "their" supply line from competitors. True charity is based on love-- it doesn't come with a "quid pro quo".<br /><br />Re: "...China's "healthy baby" program has ground almost to a halt at this point, with families still waiting from 2006... There were far more licensed homes than kids in the system..."<br /><br />And that's the reality of adoption-- there are far more PAPs wanting to adopt than there are appealing children TO adopt. Drug-exposed and FASD children or kids with PTSD from child abuse are kids with issues that require huge commitments from PAPs with no guarantee of a happy outcome.<br /><br />Kids like Hannah and Katie-- neurotypical kids under four who only need prosthetics/assistive technology/corrective surgery are increasingly accepted happily by infertile secular couples. Or would be if they could get past the doctrinal screening of religious adoption agencies who only place kids with PAPs of the "correct" faith. Reading between the lines, I think that's what your "forcing children to convert" article is about. <br /><br />China is a special case among sending countries, in which a totalitarian government with draconian population control laws married to Randian economic policies creates a unique situation. But in most of the developing nations, kids are in orphanages because that's the kind of quid-pro-quo "charity" that poor parents are offered. And many parents who accept that offer expect that they're kids are going to be cared for and educated until their economic situation improves and they can reclaim them, not that their kids are going to have their identity laundered and be offered for international adoption.<br /><br />Re: "...The other newly adopted kids were 7, 13, 10 and 12..."<br /><br />Yes, to their credit rescue adopters ARE willing to accept older children than secular adopters. And while sometimes this works out well, disruption is a dismayingly frequent outcome of such adoptions. Past trauma, cultural differences, language barriers, and erroneous assumptions on both sides can lead to tragedy. <br /><br />And that's not counting the possibility that adoption agencies have lied about the adoptee's true age, diagnosis, and history in order to "close the sale". As you yourself have learned, this is devastating to unprepared PAPs.<br /><br />And some of them fall prey to the temptation to sweep the problem under the rug, with horrible consequences to the kids involved.<br /><br />http://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1Astrin Ymrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07161302534935273886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-14572617448541727642014-06-30T10:34:51.329-07:002014-06-30T10:34:51.329-07:00I hear what you're saying, and I don't wan...I hear what you're saying, and I don't want to shy away from the hard sides of adoption. I think it's good to discuss and advocate for change. But what I keep coming back to is *my daughters were in orphanages.* And there are thousands more just like them. Whether you believe in a global orphan crisis or not, surely 570,000 kids in China's orphanages (from here: http://www.scmp.com/node/1505894) is too many. The reality is there is no chance for most of those kids to be adopted. There are ~2,000 special needs kids on the "shared list" for China right now, plus the kids designated to specific agency through orphanage partnerships. (China's "healthy baby" program has ground almost to a halt at this point, with families still waiting from 2006.)<br /><br />And PAPs *are* adopting older kids. When we adopted Hannah in 2010, she was 3.5, and she was the youngest kid in our travel group of 4 other families. The other newly adopted kids were 7, 13, 10 and 12. <br /><br />When our youngest bio child was 4, we decided to adopt. We chose foster care, as it was cheapest, and we felt we'd be "meeting a need." Baloney. Sac county laid off hundreds of SW right about the time we got licensed. Kids were only coming into care through drug raids or via the ER. There were far more licensed homes than kids in the system. We waited for almost a year before I saw Hannah on an advocacy site (Rainbow Kids). We changed directions *for her*. If adoption gospel propaganda helped convince DH we could do this, well, I'm okay with that, because I wouldn't have my amazing, smart, beautiful, precious, spunky 7 year old otherwise. I don't think there's a huge "demand" for kids like her. She sat on the list for a YEAR before we saw her. <br /><br />Again, I see your point of view, but I wish you wouldn't paint all adoptive parents with the same evil brush. Every adoption is unique. Every child's story is different. Yes, one trafficked child is TOO MANY. But thousands of kids in orphanages that legitimately need a family is too many, too. <br /><br />I won't be adopting again. After Luke, well, we're done. I'll go back to sheltering homeless kids through Safe Families when my older children move out. But I do hope families continue to consider adoption. Because I've stood in orphanages. I've seen the faces of kids who have no one to show them the love of a family. And once you've seen, you really can't forget. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-12270225528203487882014-06-26T11:23:10.505-07:002014-06-26T11:23:10.505-07:00Actually, you're feeding the machine just as m...Actually, you're feeding the machine just as much if you adopt for "rescue". It makes profit for the adoption companies either way.<br /><br />In fact, some of the most corrupt adoption agencies cite explicitly Christian doctrine while they pump out the lie that there's a "Global Orphan Crisis". Not to mention that (going by the numbers) rescue adopters are targeting the same kids infertile yuppies are: Healthy kids under two. Or mildly disabled kids under two. Or kids under five at the very least. Yet per the numbers, the majority of kids legitimately available for international adoption are over five, have special needs, or both.<br /><br />I kid you not: There are PAPs crowdfunding adoptions of healthy newborns and claiming that this is "rescuing" an unwanted child.<br /><br />http://danielandmae.blogspot.com/2013/06/adoption-update-6413.html<br /><br />http://heartstringsattached.blogspot.com/2013/09/whats-next.html?showComment=1378672156803#c3829624308995852490<br /><br />Here's the the thing-- Secular infertile couples, if faced with huge costs for a healthy baby, may decide to adopt through foster care, or come to terms with their infertility. This means that adoption agencies have to be careful not to price themselves out of the market.<br /><br />But PAPs who are told that there's a Christian mandate to adopt aren't going to be deterred by sky high fees, especially since they're crowdfunding this adoption. No price is too high to do God's Will! Especially if you're playing with house money.<br /><br />This makes rescue adopters way, way more profitable than people who "just want a child". They don't care if the money is crowdfunded or comes from a 401k being cashed out-- it makes no difference to them, as long as they get their money.<br /><br />The costs of international adoption has exploded since the big push for the "Adoption Gospel" took off. Now part of that is caused at the sending countries' end, because they've learned that international adoption can be a boost to the economy, and have adjusted their policies to take advantage of this. <br /><br />It's also caused human trafficking to rise, under the need to have enough healthy "product" to meet PAP demand. Astrin Ymrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07161302534935273886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-11587175981356882172014-06-26T09:17:44.473-07:002014-06-26T09:17:44.473-07:00I was thinking about this the other day and I feel...I was thinking about this the other day and I feel like adoptive parents can't win. If they adopt to "rescue" a child, that's bad, and if they adopt because they want another child, they're consumers contributing to the machine that spawns corruption.grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-80046078901140133932014-06-25T22:14:53.974-07:002014-06-25T22:14:53.974-07:00I'm not against adoption, but I want it done i...I'm not against adoption, but I want it done in a transparent, ethical, non-exploitative fashion.<br /><br />In China right now, the entire situation-- from the oppressive government to the laisséz-faire-on-steroids private sector is corrupt, exploitative, or both. And as long as soft-hearted PAPs and adoption agencies with an agenda keep pumping money into this system as it is, nothing's going to change. The definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing while expecting different results.<br /><br />We can't make a sovereign nation change its laws and policies directly, but we can demand that adoption agencies MUST stop dealing with known traffickers, or lose their accreditation to do business. We can also demand that adoption agencies make a real effort to detect trafficking-- like checking missing children's reports against their clientale, send out investigators to verify whether the given history is correct. And they should face legal and criminal penalties if they let a case slip through the cracks-- or do a half-hearted investigation for hush mouth. They have to make a good faith effort to detect trafficking if it exists.<br /><br />Here's something really radical-- PAPs should investigate the record and reputation of any adoption agency for corruption, fraud, and exploitation BEFORE they give them any money. If you check adoption reform websites, you can find plenty of stories of PAPs who were lied to, swindled out of their savings, and threatened with legal action if they dared tell anyone how they'd been treated. Yes, there are some lulus out there who may be lying about an ethical agency, but if you've got a lot of smoke, you have to consider fire a serious possibility. Also, lulus can't hide the fact that they're lulus for long.<br /><br />That would at least be a start. I can think of other things, but it's late and my brain is frying. ;-D Astrin Ymrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07161302534935273886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-82212937824790308102014-06-22T11:23:05.825-07:002014-06-22T11:23:05.825-07:00I appreciate your apology.
Unfortunately, there...I appreciate your apology. <br /><br />Unfortunately, there IS no legal way to surrender a child for adoption in China. I'm not sure how you "legitimatize" an illegal abandonment. I'm aware that corruption exists within ALL international adoption programs, including China. Some provinces are almost notorious for it. Any time you have large amounts of cash trading hands, there's the possibility of fraud. I felt uncomfortable forking over a stack of bills when we picked up our kids. <br /><br />I'm not disagreeing with much of what you've said, but I do wonder what you think the answer is? Are you against all adoptions? <br /><br />While I understand the whole "not losing their language and culture" thing, if they grow up in an orphanage, what about medical care that kids aren't able to receive in country? My girls would not have gotten prosthetics in China. They would have been destined to be street beggars. While I'd never say that they're better off with ME than with their birth parents, I will say that they're better off HERE than in the orphanage. Does that make sense? I don't want to come across as argumentative, I genuinely want to understand. I think a healthy open dialogue about all aspects of adoption, including the problems and downsides, is a good thing. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-32827937254767363682014-06-21T23:26:56.120-07:002014-06-21T23:26:56.120-07:00Thank you for your courteous reply.
I "broug...Thank you for your courteous reply.<br /><br />I "brought up" issues that weren't pertinent to your situation because I was trying to show how we feel about seeing the same tragedies playing out again and again, to explain WHY you were getting blasted. On the surface, the scenario DID look like the familiar "PAPs can't bond with child and/or the child's not as 'appreciative' as they expect, so they diagnose him as having RAD from an Attachment Therapy site checklist, and rehome him".<br /><br />So I kind of unpacked a lot of baggage on you, and I apologize for that barrage.<br /><br />But the adoption industry needs to be more than "improved". The demand for adoptable children means that adoption agencies have a profit motive in pushing international adoption as the go-to response to child welfare concerns. If what you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. This is especially so when "hammering nails" is what keeps adoption agencies in business-- and CEO compensation high, even in supposedly non-profit organizations.<br /><br />And FYI, there IS a lot of corruption in Chinese adoption. Saying that you found a child "abandoned by the side of the road" is a perfect excuse for explaining why there's no documentation that this child was legitimately surrendered for adoption.<br /><br />http://www.reformtalk.net/2014/06/04/chinese-kidnapped-daughter-reunited-with-mother/ <br /><br />Maybe not your kids, since children with Special Needs make up 98% of the kids in orphanages. But this and other forms of fraud and corruption take place in international adoption from China. Astrin Ymrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07161302534935273886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-86419669427898881432014-06-20T17:03:53.713-07:002014-06-20T17:03:53.713-07:00Thank you, Kate. Your words mean a lot to me. Thank you, Kate. Your words mean a lot to me. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-51440163109367185082014-06-19T15:21:10.725-07:002014-06-19T15:21:10.725-07:00As a non-adoptive mom, and the source of many of y...As a non-adoptive mom, and the source of many of your reviews, I would not trust you with them if I didn't think you were the exceptional person you really are. I read your blog because you are human and real and the struggles you face with a LOT OF GRACE show me the Spirit of Christ that dwells in you. You are Jesus to your son, in the midst of some very real and distressing circumstances. <br /><br />Now of course I am vested in you because I think you do excellent work for us, but I am far more vested in you because I respect you so much. <br /><br />I have watched and read your blog since you brought your newest two beautiful children home with you. I have watched you struggle with Luke - and loved him all the same. I have seen your breakthroughs with Katie and laughed with joy as she walked for the first time. Your blog has given me the opportunity to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. It would be dishonest of you not to share your struggles so you do.<br /><br />I know you need to follow the leading of the Lord, but do make sure it is His leading, and not the bludgeoning voice of an anonymous twit that has nothing better to do than criticize a mom doing excellent things and providing amazing opportunities for her kids. That's exactly what you are doing here - and your kids are the true winners.<br /><br />Much love and respect to you,<br />KateKatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00035122244780616689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-15854778476540677042014-06-18T12:12:20.521-07:002014-06-18T12:12:20.521-07:00Thank you, Heather. Thank you, Heather. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-21094297609418251382014-06-18T12:11:25.587-07:002014-06-18T12:11:25.587-07:00Astrin, I'm glad you commented. You obviously...Astrin, I'm glad you commented. You obviously feel passionately about adoption reform. <br /><br />Not sure why you're bringing up trafficking, fundraising, and impoverished birthparents? In China, children are abandoned. We don't know why their birth parents couldn't care for them. <br /><br />I didn't go into this adoption to rescue anyone. I wanted another child, specifically, a son. <br /><br />Yes, when I met Luke, I realized he was far more delayed than we realized. But I honestly thought--due in part to all the sunshine and roses blogs--that if we brought him home and got him help, he would *progress*. That hasn't been our reality at all. So I wrote about it, to potentially help other PAPs see that not every story has a happy ending. To caution them. Instead, I find myself being talked about behind my back, by people who don't even get the facts straight (Kyle? Really?). <br /><br />It's fine to be idealistic. There's a lot wrong in the world, and a lot could be improved in the adoption industry. I agree. But if you can't grasp the life sucking reality of total care for a person who gives nothing back to you, I don't know what to say. "Emotional sugar" is barely the tip of the iceberg. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-56726070735118583782014-06-18T11:52:09.652-07:002014-06-18T11:52:09.652-07:00You're right. I come across grumpy people in ...You're right. I come across grumpy people in "real life," why should the people on the screen be any different? Thank you. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-27853963779687755372014-06-18T11:51:03.102-07:002014-06-18T11:51:03.102-07:00Thank you, Jennifer.Thank you, Jennifer.grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-33289502609678781962014-06-18T11:50:15.418-07:002014-06-18T11:50:15.418-07:00Thanks so much. It has been comforting having you...Thanks so much. It has been comforting having you reply to my posts, knowing I'm not the only one struggling. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-14859301650020905752014-06-18T11:48:31.651-07:002014-06-18T11:48:31.651-07:00Oh, I'm sorry you can't get a Glasstic bot...Oh, I'm sorry you can't get a Glasstic bottle! I use mine Every Day. Seriously, it's on my desk right now. <br /><br />I haven't read that one, I'll have to keep an eye out for it. Right now I'm reading My Baby Takes The Short Bus, which has been really reassuring. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-10799745296514233772014-06-18T11:45:53.739-07:002014-06-18T11:45:53.739-07:00Thanks, Leah. :)Thanks, Leah. :)grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-46019454558987803572014-06-18T11:45:06.324-07:002014-06-18T11:45:06.324-07:00I believe so, but I'll make a note in his bind...I believe so, but I'll make a note in his binder to ask about it at his neuro visit next month. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-83448579200276194842014-06-18T11:38:15.363-07:002014-06-18T11:38:15.363-07:00Thank you. I really believed that we would have s...Thank you. I really believed that we would have some answers by now. grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-34155929015090287232014-06-18T11:37:14.914-07:002014-06-18T11:37:14.914-07:00Thank you.Thank you.grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-5488313389092190282014-06-18T11:35:47.370-07:002014-06-18T11:35:47.370-07:00Thanks so much, Ann! :) I appreciate your prayer...Thanks so much, Ann! :) I appreciate your prayers!grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-626820356307919755.post-20352619119903055632014-06-18T11:35:09.936-07:002014-06-18T11:35:09.936-07:00Thank you, Julie. :)Thank you, Julie. :)grtlyblesdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18386260509307925901noreply@blogger.com