Letting Go

Luke's bus showed up to pick him up, but Luke isn't here.  Luke is gone.

Many of you who have followed this blog since before our adoption, or know us in real life, know that the last two years have been very hard on our whole family.

I went to China expecting to adopt a little boy that would need one outpatient surgery and some help catching up to his peers, maybe an IEP in school.  Reality turned out to be very different from that, and we spent 20 months chasing a diagnosis for our profoundly handicapped little boy.

From our very first post placement report, a mere few weeks home, we've been very upfront about our struggles, and at our one year post placement visit last summer, the social worker said, "I see Luke ending up in an out of home placement."  I think this was the beginning of the end, as we started talking about disruption (or dissolution, both terms are used to describe an adoption that doesn't work out).

At the end of January, we made the very difficult decision to begin looking for another family to adopt Luke.  We were presented with family profiles at the end of February and beginning of March, and we then selected the home we felt would be best fit for him.

We proceeded with a legal adoption process, and in April, Luke's new mommy and sister traveled here to pick him up.  They were here for a few days while waiting for ICPC to clear so they could travel across state lines with him.  We were able to visit with them again the day they left.

As hard as it is to admit that I'm not capable of being the mom that Luke needs, I really feel like the family we chose is going to be perfect for him.  We went out to dinner with them the first day, and we got along well.  They are experienced with kids who have severe special needs, and are undaunted at the prospect of the lifetime total care that Luke will require.

Luke's new family has agreed to an open adoption, so we'll be getting pictures and updates so we can see how he's doing.  I know we made the right decision, and I know he'll do well in his new home, but there are still moments where I'm saddened by our loss.  Moments like when Luke's bus arrived, despite me filling out disenrollment paperwork at the school prior to his move.  One last piece of his clothing coming through the laundry.  And then another one.  Walking past a food he likes in the grocery store.  Finding a fishy cracker on the laundry room floor.

This was not an easy choice for us.  We love Luke, and we want what's best for him.  Please pray for both families, that Luke will adjust to his new home well, and that we will continue to adjust to his absence.  Thank you.

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