A large family, homeschooling, adoption, special needs, whatever strikes my fancy, sort of blog.

A large family, homeschooling, adoption, special needs, whatever strikes my fancy, sort of blog.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Follow Up to the Homosexuality Post

I want to thank the folks who took the time to respond thoughtfully to THIS POST.  I was really nervous about sharing it, and in fact, I did NOT link to it on Facebook, as I usually do when I update my blog, because I was afraid of being judged.

I was afraid of my Christian friends judging me for exploring the topic in the first place, or for not showing the proper revulsion in discussing it.

I was afraid of my more liberal friends for judging me for being "anti-gay" or "hateful" or even just backward and stupid.

Almost 2 weeks ago, my teens and I had a good conversation on this topic, and there's some more thoughts mulling around in my head from it.  My daughter was a junior last school year, and she said one of the seniors at her school "came out" after graduation.  I mentioned some of the thoughts I'd shared in my blog, and how challenging it was for me to change my way of thinking.  This led to a discussion of how biases and prejudices are formed.

While we were talking, I was reminded of something that happened when I was a little girl.  My dad and I went to a wedding for one of his co-workers.  Actually, now that I think about it, it might have just been a reception.  I don't remember any white dress part, or even the bride and groom, honestly.  What I do remember is, on the way, my father telling me that the bride was pregnant.  AS A GROWN UP, I can see that he was probably simply uncomfortable discussing this with me at all.  AS A CHILD, the lesson I took away was that they were "bad" and his serious countenance was interpreted as severe disapproval, which I internalized several years later, when I was the Bad, Pregnant, Unmarried one.

I could probably delve into this and make correlations between that experience and how I still, to this day, struggle with the idea that God loves me as much as He loves other people.  I always feel like He is disappointed in me.  But I'd rather turn this into a learning experience.  We may tease about how our kids will all need therapy someday, but the reality is, I don't want to inadvertently replicate this in my own children by being uncomfortable talking about homosexuality.

I try to be very open with my kids.  We talk about reproduction, body functions, and sex All The Time.  With five sons, these things come up.  No pun intended.  (Okay, maybe a little pun intended.  Humor is my way of taking the edge off those conversations that might otherwise be uncomfortable.)

However, this issue is one that we don't really discuss.  I think for many people it's an uncomfortable subject, so we just avoid it.  The problem with that, is that our children don't know why we're not discussing it, they just know that it's taboo.  They attach their own interpretations to our silence.

I want my kids to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I love them fiercely NO MATTER WHAT.    And while I may not always be thrilled with their choices, NOTHING they do/embrace/become will make that love disappear.  I want my kids to know that although I am uncomfortable with the issue of homosexuality, it's not a deal-breaker in my relationship with them.  The only way our kids are going to know that is if we tell them.

When Kindles and other e-readers first came out, I scoffed.  New=different=unfamiliar=scary.  But little by little, I gave it a try, and now I absolutely love being able to check ebooks out wirelessly from my local library and read them on my iPad.  Similarly, some of the parenting challenges I faced when my big kids were little are total non-issues now because of familiarity and experience.  Kids haven't changed; I have.  In the same manner, if we address our own questions/fears/feelings about homosexuality openly with our kids, they will be much better equipped to discuss the issue with less of our hangups.

One of my grandparents used to make all kinds of racist comments when I was a child.  I didn't "see" it at the time, but looking back, I'm horrified at the things she said.  (At least she was an equal opportunity racist:  everybody sucked in her opinion.)  Much like racist ideas, attitudes toward homosexuality may take a generation or so to change, but we can all choose to say, "It starts with me."


Linking up with:
Tots and Me

12 comments:

  1. Nicely said Shecki, thanks for sharing. Leslie

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    1. Great points, thanks for the reminder!!!

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  2. Beautiful Shecki. And I had a grandfather who would say racist things but had no idea they were unkind. It was just normal talk for him, if he would have been alive when Ahnalin came home, he would have been crazy in love with her. But he would have called her a cute chink baby and had no clue it was unkind.

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  3. My pad is being funky and wouldnt let me finish my post. But I am going to share this with a friend of mine. You girls would love each. She is a homeschooling mom of many and I know she would appreciate what you wrote.

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  4. After much research to try and figure out where I should stand on the "issue" of homosexuality, I have come to some conclusions. God loves me and calls me to love others. People are not drawn to God's judgement or wisdom, they are drawn to his loving-kindness. So, I don't really need to know if it is ok with God for people to be in same-sex committed relationships in order to be their friend. I just need to be loving and kind and when they meet Him, He will tell them what He desires for them.

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  5. Nice job tackling a sticky subject. I think what I've always understood/figured is that...I'm a sinner. There are LOTS of sins, but the only one worse than others is rejecting God, right? So, I worry about my sins, and leave others to theirs. I hope and pray that my kids AREN'T homosexual, because I think it can add a lot of hardship to life, but God calls us all to turn to Him and turn away from our sins, no matter what they are, and I have a tough enough time with my own, so....

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  6. I saw something the other day that I'll copy here:

    Don't judge others because they sin differently than you do.

    Gave me something to think about. Only God knows each heart, and he's the ultimate judge. We all fall short.

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  7. I am a Christian. I've fallen short on a bazillion occasions. I have 5 children and one decided to stop speaking to me for 2 years. Then when He finally did announced that he was gay and he already knew my thoughts since I raised him going to church.
    My thoughts were/are. I am a sinner also. Though I do not believe being gay is in alignment with my Christian beliefs, I love my Son, as my Son.As my Father in heaven loves me.

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  8. and a great follow up post. As my girls get older I want to remember that the silence allows them the opportunity to guess and form incorrect thoughts. I dont want that to happen about ANY topic, especially those that are uncomfortable. I would rather them talk to me than the world. Thanks for the reminder.

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    1. (now just to figure out what is age appropriate!)

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  9. (I'm coming from Throwback Thursday, Shecki. :-) ) I think this is very well said- as well as the original post.

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    1. Thank you, Leah. It's a tough subject for me to think about, since I was raised with such a black and white attitude toward it.

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