A large family, homeschooling, adoption, special needs, whatever strikes my fancy, sort of blog.

A large family, homeschooling, adoption, special needs, whatever strikes my fancy, sort of blog.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Once You've Seen


There are many orphanages, all across China, and not all of them participate in international adoption.  At many of the facilities that do allow international placement of children, files are only prepared for the most adoptable of the children.


The hard thing about this, is realizing that many kids simply don't have files made for them.


They have no opportunity to be adopted.  Read that again.  No file.  No opportunity to be adopted.  No hope.


One place we visited, there are 2 categories of kids.  I'm not even sure how one would define those categories, or who decides which each child falls into, but it was pretty clear.


One of those groups spends their days in what one team member calls "the depressing room."


It's also been referred to as "the bench room."  The kids in this room just sit.  All day.


We made an effort to get all these kids to the playroom.


Kids that may only get in there a few times a year.


Kids who don't know what to do in the unfamiliar surroundings.


This little guy broke my heart.  His mind is there, but his legs don't work.


I watched him work hard to dump blocks and reach and scoot and clean up.  It was hard, knowing that here, in a family, he would have mobility options, and he would be in school.  I could tell he was bright.

Now for a grim confession.  Before this trip, in my darkest times with Luke, I believed that we'd made no difference in his life.  He was miserable here, screaming inconsolably, banging his head, hitting himself.  I honestly thought he was one of the very few who could have just stayed in China, since there was "nothing" we could do for him.

I was wrong.


This child reminded me of Luke.  In fact, I assumed she was a boy at the time.

She sat there and ground her teeth like Luke does.  She did not play.  As I watched her, it hit me.

Luke is well fed.  He gets liquids throughout the day.  He's encouraged to feed himself.  His clothes are changed a couple times a day.  He gets talked to.  He goes to school.  He has a wheelchair that allows him to get out and about.  He's allowed to scoot around and play.

The kids in the bench room?  This little girl above?  She sits on a potty chair in split pants.  All day long.  That's it.  The nannies don't give the kids drinks of water in order to conserve diapers.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are congee from a communal spoon.

I was so wrong.

This trip left me with a lot to process.  But one realization was that, even though I couldn't be Luke's forever mom, we did make a difference in his life.  That doesn't feel like "enough" yet, but I hope that someday it will.

There's so much I am still trying to wrap my head around.  Looked at as a whole, the orphan problem is huge and overwhelming.  Trying to be a bright spot to the child in front of you is doable.

Soon, I'll share more about some of the fun stuff we got to do on the trip.  In the meantime, please take a moment to pray for the forgotten ones.  The ones who will never know the love of a family.  It's harder to swallow once you've held them, once you know their names.  Once you've seen a dozen kids in a row trained to live on potty chairs.  You can't un-know it.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it all yet, but I know I can't do nothing.


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14 comments:

  1. I know. Even in the face of the horrible truth, I know that our prayers make a difference. That if nothing else, we can beg Him to be present with the children there, and to bring change. His timing is hard to understand.

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    1. So much senselessness. I look at all the bickering on Facebook and think, "Don't you people know there are kids with skin conditions caused by dehydration? Why aren't you helping them?" And yet, I don't even know what to do myself. Except pray.

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  2. I really admire all you're doing to help place these children. I know how hard it must be for you and am awed by your strength and calling.

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    1. I don't feel strong, lol. I mostly feel overwhelmed. But thank you. <3

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  3. Oh my goodness! I admire your courage. We all know that feeling that once you know something you can't un-know it. Many of us avoid knowing so as not to deal with it. Yet here you are seeking out these precious souls. Seeing their circumstances. Knowing.

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    1. I feel like last year's trip was the training wheels version of this year's trip. I saw so much more this time. Hard to process.

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  4. Oh this is just heartbreaking to read. I understand what you mean about un-knowing. But how wonderful that you are getting the word out there. Now there are more people who know... and hopefully, god- willing, one day we'll have a better way to help. Because you are right; this problem is huge and overwhelming and just utterly heart breaking. They are lucky to have you and those like you-- bringing them to the playroom, telling stories about them, shedding light on the problem.

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    1. Thank you. I hope that I can find ways to be mindful of what I know without it crushing me. I don't want to forget, but I don't want to wallow, either.

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  5. Proof the old saying is true, going on a mission trip changes you more than them. I have been to China three times and love the people. Prayers for these sweet babies. Glad to be your neighbor today at Sitting among friends

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Vickie! :) My first trip to China in 2010 captured a piece of my heart and gave me my beautiful daughter, Hannah. I've never been the same!

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  6. You are amazing and loved! You DO make a difference!

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  7. Shecki, tell me again what program you went with? It may be a while before I could 'go' and advocate but feel as if I need to start to really open my eyes and heart to where God is calling me. Thank you friend, for all you do!!

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    1. We went with our adoption agency. I can let you know when the opportunity comes up again!

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