Online interaction can be good, but it's no substitute for real people to laugh and cry with. And though our journeys ran the gamut from "hoping to travel by Christmas" for their first child, to those who've been walking the adoption journey longer than I have, and spanned every sort of adoption there is, we were brought together by the need for someone to understand that sometimes it's different to parent a child who didn't come to you the same way your friends' and neighbors' children did.
While I'm here, I'll mention that we had our 6 month post placement visit for Katie and Luke on Friday. It went so much better than our "2 weeks home" visit did, when I was sick and miserable, and Luke wasn't sleeping through the night. I liked our new social worker, and she seemed to click with us better than the last one did. (She might still think we're freaks, but she was much more professional about hiding it, if so. Which I appreciate.)
People have asked me how things are going, particularly with Luke, so I guess it's time for an update. It's going slow, but it's going. We're working on more self feeding, and he's making good progress in that area. We're also practicing "walking" him from place to place, taking advantage of his newborn stepping reflex to get him used to the idea that this is how people get around.
Luke with his physical therapist
As for how I'm doing with it, well, some days are better than others. I haven't really taken the time to grieve the bright, cute, funny Asian boy I was hoping for, the child I'll never have. It's sort of lurking beneath the surface as I see pictures of other little boys on blogs and think, "He can walk. He can _________."
I think part of the problem is that in the China special needs adoption program, you get to pick your child. And if I had known the extent of Luke's needs, I wouldn't have picked him. So, yeah, there's a lot of emotion wrapped up in all that. Let's just say, I'm not "there" yet. At the place of acceptance, maybe. The place where I say how wonderful things are. The place where I say how much we've learned or grown from having Luke in our family. We're still at the "this is hard/overwhelming/confusing/disappointing/frustrating" place. And I hate that I'm that shallow. That I can't just be the adoring mother he deserves.
I deeply appreciate all the people who have been praying for us, and hope that you will continue to do so. It's keeping me going.
Please spare a second to for us? Thank you!