A large family, homeschooling, adoption, special needs, whatever strikes my fancy, sort of blog.

A large family, homeschooling, adoption, special needs, whatever strikes my fancy, sort of blog.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Guess Who's Home??


I know it seemed mean to leave you guys all hanging last week, but I was concerned the plan might change at the last minute.

Last Thursday, after returning home from taking our Little Guests to visit their mama, I sat down to read emails, and was stunned by one of them.  It was from A, the attorney handling Luke's adoption.  His new adoptive family did not want to finish the adoption.  Since their state requires 6 months for finalization, the process would not have been complete until October.  This meant that, although they had custody of him, as part of the paperwork that we signed, we're still his legal parents until that time.

 What I thought would be the final picture of the 4 of us together - April, 2015

Honestly, I was completely floored.  I so didn't see this coming.  His other mama had been sending us pictures from time to time, and hadn't indicated that there were any problems.

I emailed her to find out what the heck happened.  Ironically, the very thing that made me confident that their family would be perfect for Luke, ended up being what caused things to unravel.  I was sure that they could handle him, because they already have several kids with similar special needs, and are doing a great job with them.  Unfortunately, Luke's frequent and inconsolable screaming was causing problems for their kids with sensory issues.

Saying goodbye at their hotel, April 2015

I get it.  None of us here have sensory issues, and Luke's screaming made a huge impact on us.  I wanted to disrupt for the sake of my other children and our family as a whole--and so did she.  I totally understand.  That's not to say I'm not shocked and disappointed, because I am.  But I understand.  It's somewhat validating to have this Super Mom, with a team of therapists that come to her house, and with a great support system, say that she can't do this either.  I feel a little less like a horrible person.

Saying goodbye, April 2015

As we've shared this news, people have asked, "What next??"  The short answer is, I have no idea.  We're going to take this one day (possibly one hour) at a time for right now and wait until things settle down a bit before we figure that out.  We're brainstorming every possible solution at this point.

Paul sent me this from the airport today.

I know there were people who disapproved of our decision to disrupt, but I believed, and still believe, that it was the right choice for our family.  Having a 4 month break from Luke allowed me to climb out of the pit I'd slid into, and helped our family get back to a healthier place.


We truly believed this new family would be Luke's forever home, and in our mourning, we got rid of the crib, changing table, high chair, etc.  Over the past week, we've been blessed by friends donating things they're no longer using so that we can welcome Luke back to an equipped home.  Paul flew to another state to pick Luke up, and their plane tickets were a large unforeseen expense, so we're very grateful to those who were able to share their stuff with us for helping to minimize the financial impact of this surprise situation.


Because we shuffled rooms after Luke left, putting Katie and Hannah together in the panda room, Paul decided to give up his office for Luke.  In the next week or two, Paul will be insulating the wall and putting up sheetrock.  Having him downstairs will be a blessing, so I'm not carrying him up and down the stairs every day.

These last 3 pictures were taken tonight, after Paul and Luke got home.

Especially since... he's grown!  In just 4 months away, he's put on some weight, and seems taller to me.


We sent this ocean drum to Lukey for his birthday gift last month.  It was one of the toys his therapists used to bring to our house, and one of few that he seemed to like.  When I pulled it out of the suitcase and held it out to him, moving the beads from side to side, he lit up and reached for it.  He taps it, pushes it, and kicks it to get it to make noise.  I was thrilled to see that he liked it.


We appreciate your prayers as we all adjust, and wisdom for what happens next.


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26 comments:

  1. You were never wrong and don't need validation. Special needs kids are hard under any circumstances and love isn't all that they need, sometimes they need more than any one person has. No matter what the next step is I wish you luck. You are a strong family to weather this whole storm

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  2. You were never wrong and don't need validation. Special needs kids are hard under any circumstances and love isn't all that they need, sometimes they need more than any one person has. No matter what the next step is I wish you luck. You are a strong family to weather this whole storm

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  3. I agree with Emily! And a "horrible" person doesn't travel across the planet (and all else involved!) to adopt children who have special needs in the first place, only to end up in the unforeseen situation that you've found yourself in. You're doing the best you can, and I will keep praying for God's guidance and provision in all of this.

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  4. Wow! So much upheaval for all! I just cannot even fathom how you handle it all. Only by the grace of God. May God truly bless you. Praying!

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  5. Oh my goodness! Bless you, Shecki! You all will be in our prayers. May the Lord give you all the strength and wisdom to know what the next step is.

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  6. Special needs kids are a challenge. I am praying for you through this transition. We have three special needs kids and one normal. One of our special needs kids is out of the home right now. We are not sure she will ever return since she is a danger to her siblings. Our prayers are with you and I understand how it is to love a child but be unable to live with them.
    Blessings, Dawn

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    1. I'm sorry you've had a rough time of it, too. :( It's not a club anyone wants to join.

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  7. I have two kids with lots of challenges many of them unexpected. You may have thought of everything already but I would be happy to talk with you off line and offer what has worked for me and ways to get or make servies work. I know is different for each state. My younger son now a teen is in a group home run by the state Dev Disability program. There is a lot involved to get this to happen in any state. I'm also a social worker which helps in navigating systems but sometimes there are not services or systems to navigate or that meet your particular kids needs. Again email and I'd be happy to look at what you have done already and ways we might get something to work for you, your son and your family.

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    1. Thank you, Sammie. We're in California. What state are you in?

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    2. I'm in Washington state. its not easy to be able to place a child under 18 into a Developmental Disaiblites group home. But when its needed it can be done. I know it depends a lot on funding (there is never much funding or enough for SN kids like ours) but things can be worked out. my email is sammiefick@gmail.com

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    3. I'm praying that you'll be led to a good situation for Luke. In California there are developmental centers that will take children. I believe the referrals are through the Regional Centers. You can find out more about them here.

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  8. Sorry my link had a problem. Here it is. http://www.dds.ca.gov/DevCtrs/Home.cfm

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    1. Yes, and IF we can get the regional center to approve him for one of those facilities, our "share of cost" would be over $800/month.

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  9. I can honestly say that, at first, I didn't understand your family's decision to disrupt. However, as a foster parent and as an adoptive mama, I do know that it must be incredibly difficult, long road that you are on. Sending you hugs...!

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  10. Praying for you as you continue to navigate this transition.

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    1. Thanks, Robin! It's a blessing to be able to see that he's made a tiny bit of progress since being gone. I was afraid he had plateaued.

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  11. Thank you for sharing on the Linkup. I will be praying for your family.

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    1. Thank you, Madeleine! Things are going better than I expected so far. We've decided to wait until the toddlers leave before we make any decisions about what happens next.

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  12. I really appreciate you updating us. I have been thinking of Luke and the rest of your family since he left. I'm really glad to hear it's going fairly well.

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    1. Thank you, Erin. You hear of disruptions every so often, but you don't hear of "failed disruptions" lol. It's a crazy life we have, but we muddle through it.

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